The headline is “Sex swap David Brent snapper ruins brides day“, that was enough to get me to read the whole article.

Melanie Vaughan married recently. She trawled the Internet to [...]]]> Okay, I know this is the Sun I’m talking about, and I should know better, I should expect this kind of thing, but…

The headline is “Sex swap David Brent snapper ruins brides day“, that was enough to get me to read the whole article.

Melanie Vaughan married recently. She trawled the Internet to find the cheapest deal she could on a wedding photographer. Dave turned up wearing a long skirt, make-up and nail polish. Dave was now Kate.

The children thought it was hilarious. They would, they are children. A man dressed as a woman is nothing more than something to giggle at. I remember giggling at a woman dressed as a man, as a very young and uneducated child.

Now that I’m an adult, when I meet someone who is transgender, I know where to look. You look them in the eye, and say hello, nice to meet you. Maybe the adults were a bit too childish. Was this a chav wedding? Don’t answer that, the proof comes shortly. Melanie is indeed a brainless chav.

“He sent me 200-odd pictures with black lines through them so we couldn’t get them printed, but they’re very amateurish. Our friends took better shots.”
Melanie Vaughan speaking to The Sun.

Now, why did the man send you so many pictures? Did you listen to him when he explained the process, Melanie? I think maybe you didn’t. Have you ever heard of ‘proofs’? That the pictures are crap is unfortunate, but maybe Melanie sold her story for enough cash that she can hire a cheap function room and have the photographs recreated by a nice burly strong bigoted chav-like alpha male.

Dig around a little, and you’ll find that Melanie Vaughan of Brighton crops up a few other times. She’s blasted the DWP’s JobCentres because they wouldn’t carry her child up the stairs for her.

We also know that Melanie had her hair and make-up done for her wedding by Claire Wallace hairdressing – and that Claire now does her daughter’s hair too.

“You’ve got a week and a bit to get your shit together, otherwise I’m blowing the airport sky high.”

The Yorkshireman’s issue with the airport was the snow. Lets face it, after the last [...]]]> Actually, that was just one part of the tweet which landed Paul Chambers in the dock at Doncaster Magistrates Court.

“You’ve got a week and a bit to get your shit together, otherwise I’m blowing the airport sky high.”

The Yorkshireman’s issue with the airport was the snow. Lets face it, after the last three months, most of us are fed up with the inferior way the authorities handled the ‘crisis’. The ‘crisis’ being that the people responsible for running the national infrastructure forgot over the last few warmer and wetter winters, that the UK can still get snow, and lots of it. What has Robin Hood Airport been wasting money on instead?

A few choice ideas:

• Champagne and parties, and corporate hospitality.
• A new first class lounge.
• Bondage maidens for the Chief Executive.

In reality, they’ve been rebuilding the airport, upgrading the infrastructure, they just forgot about the snow.

So yes, Paul is probably well within his rights to post a jokey comment on Twitter. Come on, would Al Qaeda really choose Twitter to discuss bombing an airport?

Whatever, 26 year old Paul has been charged with sending by a public communications network a message that was grossly offensive or of an indecent, obscene or menacing character contrary to Section 127 of the Communications Act 2003.

The very same Communications Act which can’t do anything about the grossly offensive, indecent and obscene article by Jan Moir in the Daily Mail, where she put late Boyzone singer Stephen Gately’s death down to the fact that he was gay.

Surely not, that’s a promotion!

Okay, so much for impartiality. Yes, I know ITV has been known to dumb down it’s news [...]]]> So the man who ran Eurostar at the time it had problems with trains breaking down in the snow is to become the vice Chairman. ITV News caught up with the man.

Surely not, that’s a promotion!

Okay, so much for impartiality. Yes, I know ITV has been known to dumb down it’s news coverage, and focus on headlines, but I thought the point of not being biased was not to cast an opinion.

Today in Prime Minister Questions he abused his power again by demanding a General Election – so he can bring in his own reforms including fixed-term parliaments. He attacked Brown’s plans for proportional representation, as Cameron sees it as a system which would be unfair, unlike the current first past the post [...]]]> Cameron again.

Today in Prime Minister Questions he abused his power again by demanding a General Election – so he can bring in his own reforms including fixed-term parliaments. He attacked Brown’s plans for proportional representation, as Cameron sees it as a system which would be unfair, unlike the current first past the post system which allowed voters to get rid of:

“weak, divided and incompetent governments and that is what we should be doing now.”

Except, if you stop and think about it, the London Mayoral Elections are done proportionally. Were they unfair? The people of London ended up with a weak and incompetent leader, was that because of Proportional Representation?

Cameron wants to make MPs more powerful, by having fewer of them. That’s fewer people representing YOU!

Jeremy Hunt, Shadow Culture Secretary asked of Ben Bradshaw in the commons:

“Do you believe that Sir Alan Sugar can combine his role as host of Britain’s most popular business TV programme with his new job as the government’s enterprise champion, where he will [...]]]> According to the Tories, the Apprentice is a business programme…

Jeremy Hunt, Shadow Culture Secretary asked of Ben Bradshaw in the commons:

“Do you believe that Sir Alan Sugar can combine his role as host of Britain’s most popular business TV programme with his new job as the government’s enterprise champion, where he will sit in the House of Lords taking the Labour whip?”

So there we have it. The Tories openly admit that they can’t tell the difference between a serious business programme, such as Working Lunch, and a piece of populist entertainment in which the British masses learn absolutely diddly squat about how to run a business.

Jeremy Hunt, thinking he was onto a winner in the Commons, continued that it was:

“something quite unprecedented where someone has their own weekly TV programme at the same time as being one of the main ambassadors for government policy in precisely the same area.”

Of course, if the election was next June, the Apprentice would be going out at the same time, Hunt continued:

“In that period would it be right for the BBC to carry on screening The Apprentice when its main star is a principal advocate of Government business policy?”

Another bare faced lie, which adds proof t hat the Tories aren’t willing to accept Sir Alan’s word that he’s approaching the position with a neutral stance so far as political allegiance is concerned. How demeaning of them.

When the Tories stop whipping up storms in teacups, perhaps then they’ll be a credible and trustworthy party.

Titanic Pizza Company, of Carnoustie, Scotland, has won a battle against KFC over the phrase ‘family feast’. Titanic started to use the phrase in 1992, and trademarked it – KFC did the same in 1994 and 2003 – after [...]]]> A tale of triumph over the multi-national conglomerates – from a town in Angus, Scotland.

Titanic Pizza Company, of Carnoustie, Scotland, has won a battle against KFC over the phrase ‘family feast’. Titanic started to use the phrase in 1992, and trademarked it – KFC did the same in 1994 and 2003 – after Titanic.

KFC tried to use their mightly legal department to take action against Titanic Pizza over the phrase – but Maria and Gloria held firm and refused to budge.

The moral of the story is that even if you are a small trader, it’s worth considering your assets – a phrase such as ‘family feast’ – if no-one else is using it, should be trademarked – not to make money from, but to protect yourself from the large might of capitalist lawyers.

In the case of Titanic, I think this could have been £200 very well spent – and I hope they gained lots of customers from the free publicity provided by KFC.

BBC News tell us the difference between the two Family Feats:

“Titanic’s Family Feast is made up of two pizzas, garlic bread, onion rings, chips and juice; while the KFC deal comprises 12 pieces of chicken, four portions of chips, coleslaw, beans and a drink. “

Accoring to BBC News, Mrs Mahon, who had “totally disapproved of everything Tony Blair was doing”, told the BBC she “couldn’t have stood another term under his leadership”.

Is this an obvious question, or am I stupid – but how come it [...]]]> Liz Mahon has left the Labour Party. Oh well, what a pity.

Accoring to BBC News, Mrs Mahon, who had “totally disapproved of everything Tony Blair was doing”, told the BBC she “couldn’t have stood another term under his leadership”.

Is this an obvious question, or am I stupid – but how come it took her quite so long to go? If she hated Blair that much, why wait until he was well out of British Politics before causing a stink? If she’d done this in 1997, no-one would have given a shit, but now she is prolonging the media’s agenda to show the politics of politics rather than politicians running the country. She’s also giving Tory Snob Cameron more ammunition to poke fun at Gordon Brown, so the gravy train of politics has lots its focus for yet another gloomy week.

Then I read some of the ‘translations’ of jargon into ‘plain English’.

Most of the words I [...]]]> When I heard that Councillor Eaton, chairman of the Local Government Association, had drawn up a list of over 200 words which council employees shouldn’t use, I knew the list would be too long to be manageable.

Then I read some of the ‘translations’ of jargon into ‘plain English’.

Most of the words I would actually agree with, such as ‘blue sky thinking’ or ‘across the piece’ which she says means everyone working together. Apparently instead of ‘actioned’ we should say ‘do’. I won’t ponder too much on the past-tense meaning of ‘actioned’ and the present/future tense meaning of ‘do’.

But then I do some digging, and I’m totally turned off by the article (not just the accompanying artwork) in the Bradford Telegraph & Argus.

Cllr Eaton has to use the words ‘during the recession’ twice. Apparently that’s the crux of the matter – this jargon is not the right thing to have during a recession. So it was fine six months ago? Or even three months ago – we’ve only officially been in recession for a couple of months, despite what you might think if you were to listen to the leader of the opposition with the way he bandys the word about.

Here are ten questions I may ask my local council, and the answers I’d expect, with the words they aren’t allowed to use any more duly highlighed:

Q – how many people can I have in this venue?
A – the capacity is fifty.

Q – which area do you cover?
A – several localities – incluidng yours!

Q – I’d like a wedding license please!
A – When was your engagement?

Q – I’d like to apply for a civil partnership please.
A – What date would you like to have your partnership ceremony?

Q – Why is there a useless firm called EPS bodging repairs to a leak in my bathroom?
A – That is as a result of council outsourcing.

Q – Why are the lights at the junction not working?
A – They’ve been turned off to be reconfigured.

Q – What are those things on sticks pointing out directions called?
A – Signposts.

Q – Why is there a statue of X in the park?
A – He was a great visionary and had a great impact on the locality.

Q – I want to complain about the food safety standards in a restaurant.
A – Were you a customer?

Q – There’s an awful stench coming from the river today.
A – There is a problem at the power plant, are you upstream, or downstream of it?

Okay, some of these are examples of me blue sky thinking outside the box. Now try to tell me that your local council doesn’t stick rigidly to guidelines (erm, yes, guides, lets treat them like the law set in stone) and then convince me that your local council won’t stick rigidly to the new rules about words, and come up with new phrases for meaningful conversations.

Susanna had turned into a man, and Charlie was a woman.

Charlie and Susanna

Meanwhile, elsewhere on BBC News, Daniel Corbett says the weather in Kent is localised and cold…

-99 degrees (Celsius, not Farenheit) in Kent

And in Windsor there’s [...]]]> There was something not quite right about the telly this morning.

Susanna had turned into a man, and Charlie was a woman.

Charlie and Susanna

Meanwhile, elsewhere on BBC News, Daniel Corbett says the weather in Kent is localised and cold…

-99 degrees (Celsius, not Farenheit) in Kent

And in Windsor there’s a localised mini-heatwave!

232 degrees in Windsor

“It seems very odd that Ross can be back broadcasting having made obscene, insulting remarks on the air, and Carol Thatcher, who said something which is allegedly [...]]]> The article is from the Mail Online – with the laughable headline “BBC axed Carol Thatcher after golliwog joke ‘to take revenge on her mother’, claims Tebbit“.

“It seems very odd that Ross can be back broadcasting having made obscene, insulting remarks on the air, and Carol Thatcher, who said something which is allegedly highly offensive but which I rather doubt was meant to be so, in private, should be banned. It is probably a bit of a way for the BBC to get back at Carol’s mother.”

If this is the kind of twisted world awareness MPs live under, we should all be worried. I noticed the privacy issue cropping up once again. Christ some people really need to think before they open their mouths. The doddery old fool can’t even distinguish between someone with a permanent contract of employment (ie harder to get rid off) with a casual presenter, which is really, really easy to get rid of.