Hello Help, This is London Calling. London Calling.

It’s the eve of Election Day in London once again.

Four years ago, no-one could have predicted that a Blonde Hairball from an uknown planet would emerge the winner of a strange Earth-Contest called the London Mayoralty. No-one could have predicted that the Blonde Hiarball would [...]]]>  

Hello Help, This is London Calling. London Calling.

It’s the eve of Election Day in London once again.

Four years ago, no-one could have predicted that a Blonde Hairball from an uknown planet would emerge the winner of a strange Earth-Contest called the London Mayoralty. No-one could have predicted that the Blonde Hiarball would go on to attempt to wave a flag for London to the world, followed by a slightly drunken speech, [it's the only explanation, surely?] made in a patriotic yet a Medieval way, about Wiff Waff Coming Home!

No-one could have predicted that the Blonde Hairball has another opportunity to be voted Chief Flag Waver for London to the World (well, via Athens).

Now, the options aren’t amazing. The top two contenders are Boris and Ken. Out of principle I had dismissed UKIP (xenophobic), the BNP (out of principle), and the Lib Dems (previous hung council in Camden saw them unite with the Tories who polled third).Siobhan Benita posed as a credible candidate, but I since discovered that both she and Brian (who?) sought Political Profit from the “Some People Are Gay, Get Over It” campaign by Stonewall.

I’ve felt impassioned by Jenny Jones, of the Green Party. Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I’d see Green voters as hippies. Those days were the nineties, and I was new to politics.

My route into being interested in politics has been interesting. I have voted for the Labour party, the Liberal Democrats, and on one occasion I voted for a Conservative councillor. That was because I knew him, and I understood his politics.

But, for some reason, voting Green always felt as alien to me as voting BNP. The social stigma felt that if I voted green I would have to suddenly recylce, but EVERYTHING! I wasn’t sure I’d want my life on view via freecycle.

But now we have tactical voting. I can vote twice, and make my vote count.

I will be out on the streets of London before I’m awake. I’m voting Jenny Jones first and Ken Livingstone second. I know both my votes count. It may be an insignificant step towards green socialism, but it’s a step I’m making for the better.

The ‘gay candidate’ for Mayor of London, Brian Paddick (in case you don’t know who he is, he is the Lib Dem candidate), has released a new advertisement…

Some people are not swayed by this type of bandwagon jumping, get over it?

Now, I [...]]]> I almost spat my teeth out. Thankfully they aren’t false.

The ‘gay candidate’ for Mayor of London, Brian Paddick (in case you don’t know who he is, he is the Lib Dem candidate), has released a new advertisement…

Some people are not swayed by this type of bandwagon jumping, get over it?

Now, I know he’s openly gay, I know he’s an ex-copper. I know it’s tongue in cheek, and I’ve just found out that Siobhan Benita, the independent candidate for Mayor of London has pulled off a similar trick.

Now, a Stonewall campaign with a serious message has been politicised, I am completely turned off by these two formerly credible candidates. Paddick is gay. I am gay. I don’t want a statement about gay equality being equated to a politics. For that reason Siobhan Benita has lost my first preference vote, and Brian Paddick my second preference vote.

Siobhan, in the BBC news piece, says she thinks people are turned off by politics. On the contrary, some people do care an awful lot. Especially when you mix politics with equality campaigns for your own gain.

I am not a Tory, but at this rate I may vote Boris (I have NEVER voted that way in my life). Get over it.

Bikers have been protesting in Westminster to say no to the motorbike parking charges. The [...]]]> When we elect a Mayor to our local Councils, his job is to be an impartial ambassador for the Borough you live in. When you elect someone to Mayor of London, their job is a bit more involved.

Bikers have been protesting in Westminster to say no to the motorbike parking charges. The latest, in Trafalgar Square, brought Boris into the fight between the Bikers and Westminster City Council.

“Do you want to stay in the bus lanes or what? Then stop this protest.”
Boris Johnson, Mayor of London

Even better – as below, he’s on YouTube doing it too! What a buffoon. The bus lane thing is another story completely. Boris won the support of many London motorbike users by promising to abolish the bendy bus when he came into power. He’s currently getting on with that – wasting millions of our money replacing the rather new bendy bus fleet.

Then Boris started a trial where motorbike users could use bus lanes in certain locations. That 18 month trial comes to an end within a few weeks, and there has been no decision on whether motorbikes will be permanently allowed into bus lanes.

City Hall had to clarify what Boris meant by his short rant.

“He realises their desire to protest about parking charges in Westminster but was making the point that inconveniencing thousands of Londoners by jamming up a large part of central London only damages the respect that they need for the bus lanes trial to be successful.”
City Hall Spokesperson

So yes, he meant what he said. If the protests continue, he’ll punish them by revoking their right to use the bus lanes. Why else would Boris and his staff want to muddy the two issues together?

Don’t look at me. I didn’t vote for him!

Can London afford to pay for the extra buses, to have the extra traffic on the road? Just for the sake of the few drivers and non-users who supported Boris’s election pledge [...]]]> London Travelwatch have criticised the Mayor, Boris Johnson, for ploughing ahead with his plans to scrap, or mothball the bendy bus in London.

Can London afford to pay for the extra buses, to have the extra traffic on the road? Just for the sake of the few drivers and non-users who supported Boris’s election pledge to remove them? £12 million could be spent a lot more efficiently in London right now.

If Boris was seriously keeping London’s best interests at heart, he’d have published reliable figures to show how the phased withdrawal of the large-capacity buses by 2011 will affect London’s roads and finances.

This is the man whose lack of co-ordination, leadership and strategy brought London to a standstill on 2nd February 2009 – the day it snowed.

The term has been used by corporations such as the BBC, Gordon Brown, local councils and even supermarkets, to give their message the idea that cost is an issue, and that every penny [...]]]> Value for money is a term used an awful lot by people nowadays, and mostly used as an alternative to ‘cheap’.

The term has been used by corporations such as the BBC, Gordon Brown, local councils and even supermarkets, to give their message the idea that cost is an issue, and that every penny of our money must be used effectively. The only thing we’re missing though, is a definition of effectively.

Take the huge costs of consulting with Londoners, manufacturers and other public bodies to replace the ‘bendy-bus’. Where is the cost effectiveness or value for money?

After the frosts of recent weeks, huge potholes have sprung up across London. The weather is largely blamed, but that’s skipping over the true source of the issue – poorly maintained highways.

But that brings up another issue. For years we’ve been told that excess from vehicle and road taxes, petrol taxes and the Congestion Charge would go into improving the state of roads in the UK, as well as public transport. By the time it filters down to your local council, they will have sub-contracted the work to another firm, who again scrimp, save and cut corners to maximise their profits, from your taxes.

Value for money isn’t another way of saying ‘cheapest option’. Value for money means getting it right the first time, spending those few extra pounds to perfect it. Cheapest option, as we’re seeing now, means that work will last a few years, then catastrophically fail.

Think again, Boris.

Twenty-five weeks on, how is Boris doing on those pledges?

First thing of note is that the Venezuelan oil deal brokered by Ken Livingstone has been scrapped. As a [...]]]> Back in March 2008 I pointed out that there are 1,043,761 buffoons in London, and signalled the death knell to the London we know and love.

Twenty-five weeks on, how is Boris doing on those pledges?

First thing of note is that the Venezuelan oil deal brokered by Ken Livingstone has been scrapped. As a result, TfL does not have enough cash, and will raise bus and tube fares in January as a result. The Freedom Pass is still working for the elderly and the disabled, but for how much longer?

I’m not even going to think about the time and cost dedicated by Ken Livingstone’s office to broker the deal, the air miles flown to set it up, the carbon emissions to set it up, all down the pan because Boris believes that helping the Venezuelan capital Caracas to transform itself into a modern Capital City is not worth doing.

Here’s a quote from Boris on the subject of Bendy Buses:

“[Bendy buses] have twice as many collisions with pedestrians and cyclists than other buses.”
Boris Johnson, Conservative mayoral manifesto, 19 March 2008

According to “This is London” (Evening Standard, owned by the Daily Mail group), a consultation has begun into axing the Bendy Bus on routes 38, 507 and 521. There’s no sign of a consultation taking place on the bus, at any bus stops, or on Boris or TfL’s websites – only in this article from This is London.

Looking into the facts a little more, I have a few questions for our eccentric Mayor.

1. If these buses are quite so dangerous, and are putting off cyclists, why have both the bendy bus and cycling seen massive increases in London in the last few years?
2. Bendy buses work in other European cities, including places which drive on the left such as Dublin. Why is London different? Is it because London doesn’t spend the money adapting the roads?
3. Bendy buses do not use every road in London, and stick to busier routes. Cyclists tend to avoid the main arterial routes, surely the number of cyclists put off by the buses is constrained?
4. When are you going to start talking to London’s cycling groups about their perception of the buses? To save you time, they are busy campaigning against HGV vehicles, not bendy buses.
5. How many people have been seriously injured by the buses, compared to HGV vehicles?
6. How many people have been killed on a bike by a bendy bus? (I can answer this one – zero).

Bendy buses carry 149 passengers – about 60 more than a conventional double deck bus. This means that scrapping the bendy bus in favour of more standard buses will mean more crowding, increased costs (each bendy bus you take off the road will need to be replaced by more than one conventional bus, meaning more drivers, more fuel, more traffic, more carbon emissions…). Oh yeah, the bendy buses also speed up your journey by decreasing dwell times (the time it takes you and me to get on and off).

Back to the quote that bendy buses have twice as many collisions with cyclists and pedestrians. I still can’t find a reliable source for this, though TfL gave Channel 4 some figures to show that between January 1994 and September 2007 there were 0.05 fatalities per million km operated by bendy buses, and 0.08 per million km operated by routemasters. That’s fatalities – on the subject of collisions, Channel 4 unearthed something rather worrying from a political perspective:

Boris was able to massage the statistics his way, by comparing collisions on all 12 bendy bus routes to collisions on 15 carefully selected non-bendy routes.

We need a Mayor suited to London, who understands London, and has actually used a bloody London bus day in day out to understand what we’re all going through. Unfortunately, 1,043,761 “Londoners” spoiled it for the rest of us.

I’ve just had a good read through backboris.com – here are the main points from Boris’ manifesto – here’s [...]]]> Okay, it’s a popular vote, more people voted for Boris than Ken, so we’ve got Boris as Mayor for four years. Hands up, how many of you voted for him for the hilarity of the idea?

I’ve just had a good read through backboris.com – here are the main points from Boris’ manifesto – here’s how we can judge his success in four years time.

Goodbye gang culture – in 2007, 27 teenagers were murdered in London. Boris is pouring so much money into the problem that it will magically disappear.

Hello disruptive youths. The current policy is that disruptive youths have their Oyster cards removed. Soon we’ll see a policy to have them do community work to ‘win’ their free travel back. Leopards are equally good at changing their spots.

Hello Crime Map. It fits in well with the noise map, the pollution map and all of the other maps available online which show how good the area you live in is.

Hello Policeman/woman. We’re going to get twice as many Police officers to patrol busses in Outer London. Where from?

Hello Policeman/woman. We’re getting 50 extra BTP officers to patrol the worst stations in London. Which ones are they then?

Hello live bus tracking – now I can see how far the bus is from me before I leave home. Shame the vast majority of buses in London run at least one every ten minutes already – just take a book.

Goodbye bendy bus – Londoners were too lazy to adjust their skills to deal with you, so we’ve spent all this money on you and now you’re to be phased out. I’m sure you’ll get a good price when sold on to the relatively low number of right-hand-drive cities who have use for you. I don’t mind millions of pounds of my council tax being spent on replacing a brand spanking new fleet of buses with more new buses.

Hello Underground. Johnson wants to rescue to tube from the failed PPP scheme devised by Gordon Brown. Livingstone was against that too – it’s a watertight deal you buffoon – the only way you’ll remove PPP from the tube is if you make all of the PPP companies go bust. Boris doing this will enable the vital upgrades to go ahead – are those the same vital upgrades already in progress – such as the Victoria line, crossrail etc?

Hello safer cycle parking. I thought there were enough cycle parking spaces already in Central London – now we’re getting more street furniture to trip over.

Goodbye £25 congestion charge – now the super rich Tories in their polluting 4×4 vehicles are just as polluting as a small 1.1L car.

Hello congestion – Boris will re-phase traffic lights so London moves faster. According to backboris.com “to achieve this, I will lobby government for powers to fine utility companies that run overtime when digging up the roads.” What has Thames Water got to do with traffic lights?

We’re getting longer trains, more of them, and Oyster at every station. Oh, Ken had already made headway on that one with Oyster already appearing at every station.

Hello Freedom Pass – except it’s only guaranteed for the elderly, not the disabled anymore – unless you’re an injured veteran (of what?)

Goodbye Heathrow 3rd Runway – Boris doesn’t want you. We’ll just have to get more and more planes on the two existing runways and compromise safety instead.

Hello Oxford Street Tram, Boris is going to continue to invest in the projects Ken set out, including the Oxford Street Tram, East London Line Phase 2, DLR and Transit extensions and the Crossrail to Ebbsfleet.

Hello Money! Boris is going to pay Londoners to recycle!

10,000 trees are going to be planted!

More cyclists on the streets – just give up hope if you’re a pedestrian at a crossing waiting for the lights to change – of course they were re-phased to keep the traffic moving!

We’re in the money – London is such a large city not all of the taxes we pay is spent on the city itself – some of it is farmed out to improve other parts of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Well, it was. Now we’ve got a Mayor who wants to keep London’s cash within London. That’ll screw up the finances of the rest of the country then.

Boris will protect London’s historic views – except those are already enshrined in Law.

Hello age-friendly London! It’s against the law to discriminate against people on the grounds of age – but Boris wants to make London ‘age friendly’ – does this mean the old people will have problems clambering on your new routemasters then Boris?

Hello Olympic Legacy! Apparently the facilities will last for ages – it would have been a bit of a waste if they were left to go derelict after the games – no real change on any other party’s policy there then.

Boris is going to highlight for us what type of healthcare we’re getting – the information is already out there, but he’s going to tell us where it is (it’s on the NHS website, you bloody buffoon).

Boris is considering a healthcare model similar to the USA. Don’t they pay for their healthcare in the USA Boris?

Boris will make our streets and open spaces safe for people to use. Oh yes, London is so unsafe I don’t go outdoors. I can’t wait for the day I can walk to McDonalds without fear of an old lady mugging me for my burger money.

Boris will stand up for all Londoners, whether issues fall under his Mayoral remit or not.

There’s a lot here. There’s a lot of faffing about to be done before he can put most of it in place, but this post has the key points of Boris’ manifesto. Lets judge him on his progress on all of these items before we decide who can be Mayor of London from 2012 onwards.