When I heard that Councillor Eaton, chairman of the Local Government Association, had drawn up a list of over 200 words which council employees shouldn’t use, I knew the list would be too long to be manageable.
Then I read some of the ‘translations’ of jargon into ‘plain English’.
Most of the words I would actually agree with, such as ‘blue sky thinking’ or ‘across the piece’ which she says means everyone working together. Apparently instead of ‘actioned’ we should say ‘do’. I won’t ponder too much on the past-tense meaning of ‘actioned’ and the present/future tense meaning of ‘do’.
But then I do some digging, and I’m totally turned off by the article (not just the accompanying artwork) in the Bradford Telegraph & Argus.
Cllr Eaton has to use the words ‘during the recession’ twice. Apparently that’s the crux of the matter – this jargon is not the right thing to have during a recession. So it was fine six months ago? Or even three months ago – we’ve only officially been in recession for a couple of months, despite what you might think if you were to listen to the leader of the opposition with the way he bandys the word about.
Here are ten questions I may ask my local council, and the answers I’d expect, with the words they aren’t allowed to use any more duly highlighed:
Q – how many people can I have in this venue?
A – the capacity is fifty.
Q – which area do you cover?
A – several localities – incluidng yours!
Q – I’d like a wedding license please!
A – When was your engagement?
Q – I’d like to apply for a civil partnership please.
A – What date would you like to have your partnership ceremony?
Q – Why is there a useless firm called EPS bodging repairs to a leak in my bathroom?
A – That is as a result of council outsourcing.
Q – Why are the lights at the junction not working?
A – They’ve been turned off to be reconfigured.
Q – What are those things on sticks pointing out directions called?
A – Signposts.
Q – Why is there a statue of X in the park?
A – He was a great visionary and had a great impact on the locality.
Q – I want to complain about the food safety standards in a restaurant.
A – Were you a customer?
Q – There’s an awful stench coming from the river today.
A – There is a problem at the power plant, are you upstream, or downstream of it?
Okay, some of these are examples of me blue sky thinking outside the box. Now try to tell me that your local council doesn’t stick rigidly to guidelines (erm, yes, guides, lets treat them like the law set in stone) and then convince me that your local council won’t stick rigidly to the new rules about words, and come up with new phrases for meaningful conversations.
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